My Ex Is Making Things Difficult After Divorce – What Can I Do Legally?
Divorce does not always end the conflict.
For many people, the most stressful part comes afterwards: when the court judgment or divorce agreement exists, but one former spouse does not cooperate.
This may happen in many ways.
✔️Your ex may delay payments.
✔️They may refuse to follow the child contact arrangements.
✔️They may make decisions about the children without consulting you.
✔️They may ignore messages, create constant tension, or use small practical issues to keep the conflict alive.
If this is happening to you, the first thing to understand is this:
You are not powerless.
But it is also important to choose the right legal response. Not every difficult behaviour requires immediate court action. However, when there is a clear breach of a divorce judgment or court-approved agreement, Spanish law offers legal remedies.
1. Start by identifying the problem clearly
Before taking legal action, it is important to define exactly what is happening.
Is your ex:
- failing to pay child maintenance or spousal maintenance?
- preventing or obstructing contact with the children?
- refusing to comply with holiday arrangements?
- making unilateral decisions about school, health or travel?
- refusing to sign necessary documents?
- failing to leave the family home when required?
- repeatedly ignoring the terms of the divorce judgment?
- creating unnecessary conflict to make co-parenting impossible?
This first step matters because the legal route will depend on the type of breach.
A general feeling that your ex is “making things difficult” may be emotionally valid, but legally we need to identify specific facts, dates, documents and consequences.
2. Check what the divorce judgment or agreement actually says
Many post-divorce conflicts happen because one party relies on what they believe was agreed, rather than on what the judgment or agreement actually states.
Before sending formal letters or going to court, it is essential to review:
- the divorce judgment;
- the court-approved settlement agreement;
- the parenting plan, if there is one;
- the child maintenance provisions;
- the holiday arrangements;
- any clauses about the family home;
- any obligations regarding expenses, documents or communication.
The question is not only whether your ex is behaving unfairly.
The legal question is:
Are they breaching a specific obligation?
If the answer is yes, action may be possible.
3. Keep evidence
If your ex is not complying with the divorce terms, evidence is crucial.
You should keep:
- emails;
- WhatsApp messages;
- proof of unpaid amounts;
- bank statements;
- school communications;
- travel documents;
- evidence of cancelled visits;
- written requests for cooperation;
- any formal notices already sent.
Try to avoid emotional or aggressive messages. They may later be read in court.
The best approach is to communicate clearly, calmly and in writing.
For example:
“I am asking you to comply with the holiday arrangements set out in the judgment dated…”
or
“The maintenance payment due on (date) has not been received. Please confirm when payment will be made.”
This creates a record without escalating the tone.
4. When can you enforce a divorce judgment in Spain?
If there is a Spanish divorce judgment or a court-approved agreement, and your ex is not complying with it, it may be possible to start enforcement proceedings.
This can be relevant where there is:
- non-payment of maintenance;
- repeated breach of contact arrangements;
- failure to deliver or return the children at agreed times;
- refusal to comply with financial obligations;
- failure to vacate a property;
- non-compliance with other court-ordered obligations.
The purpose of enforcement is not to renegotiate the divorce.
It is to ask the court to ensure that what has already been ordered is respected.
5. What if the problem concerns the children?
Post-divorce conflict involving children must be handled especially carefully.
If the issue relates to parental responsibility — for example, school choice, medical treatment, relocation, passports or international travel — the appropriate route may not always be enforcement.
In some cases, it may be necessary to ask the court to resolve a disagreement between parents who share parental responsibility.
This is particularly relevant when one parent is blocking necessary decisions or acting unilaterally on important matters.
In these cases, the court will normally focus on the best interests of the child, not on punishing either parent.
6. What if your ex is not paying maintenance?
If child maintenance or spousal maintenance has not been paid, the first step is to calculate the exact amount owed.
You will usually need:
- the judgment or agreement;
- proof of the monthly amount due;
- bank statements showing non-payment or partial payment;
- a calculation of arrears;
- evidence of any previous requests for payment.
In Spain, unpaid maintenance can often be claimed through civil enforcement proceedings.
In more serious cases, persistent non-payment may also have criminal implications, but this must be analysed carefully. Not every delay or partial payment automatically becomes a criminal matter.
7. Should you send a formal legal notice first?
In many cases, yes.
A formal legal notice can be useful because it:
- clarifies the breach;
- gives the other party a final opportunity to comply;
- shows the court that you acted reasonably;
- may avoid litigation;
- creates evidence of the request.
However, if the matter is urgent — especially where children, safety or international travel are involved — it may be necessary to act faster.
8. When is it better not to go to court immediately?
This is important.
Sometimes the other party is difficult, but the legal breach is not strong enough yet. In those cases, going to court too early may increase conflict and costs without achieving a clear result.
It may be better to:
- gather more evidence;
- send a formal letter;
- clarify the interpretation of the judgment;
- negotiate specific practical rules;
- use mediation or another dispute resolution method where appropriate;
- seek a modification of measures if the original arrangements no longer work.
A good legal strategy is not always the most aggressive one.
It is the one most likely to solve the problem.
9. What if the original arrangements no longer work?
Sometimes the issue is not simply that your ex is breaching the divorce terms.
The real problem may be that the original arrangements are no longer suitable.
For example:
- the children are older;
- one parent has moved;
- work schedules have changed;
- the child’s needs have changed;
- financial circumstances are different;
- communication between the parents has deteriorated.
In these cases, enforcement may not be the best solution.
It may be necessary to request a modification of measures, asking the court to change the existing arrangements.
10. International families: extra complications
For international families, post-divorce conflict can be even more complex.
There may be issues involving:
- parents living in different countries;
- international travel with children;
- recognition of foreign judgments;
- enforcement of Spanish orders abroad;
- enforcement of foreign orders in Spain;
- passports and consent to travel;
- relocation;
- unpaid maintenance across borders.
In these cases, it is important to obtain advice before taking action, especially if there is a risk that one parent may remove a child from Spain or refuse to return the child after travel.
Conclusion
If your ex is making things difficult after divorce, you do not have to tolerate constant breaches or uncertainty.
But the right legal response depends on the facts.
✔️Sometimes the best solution is a formal legal notice.
✔️Sometimes it is enforcement of the divorce judgment.
✔️Sometimes it is a court application regarding parental responsibility.
✔️Sometimes it is a modification of measures.
At Bennet & Rey, we advise international clients in family law matters in Spain, including post-divorce disputes, enforcement of judgments, child arrangements, maintenance and cross-border family issues.
If your divorce judgment is not being respected, we can help you understand your legal options before the situation escalates further.
Send us an email: [email protected]
